02.06.07

1984

Posted in the usual stuff at 7:33 am by mr joel

1984 by George Orwell was a great book that I enjoyed while I was serving in National Service, where I had developed a voracious appetite for books, often sneaking in a ziplocked paperback into my poncho pouch whenever I was out in the field.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll never forget the morning I finished reading it - after a hard night’s bike training - lying in bed with the sun rising in the horizon, its warm glow caressing my face. I wasn’t really in my comfy bed - I was Winston in the torture chamber, and I knew that I had hope beyond hope in myself that I wouldn’t give in to the torture, wouldn’t forsake my own awareness for mindless monotonic mediocre… existence.

Unfazed and horribly optimistic even as Winston’s tribulations wore on, I read the entire torture sequence in 1984 that morning, hoping beyond hope - knowing, even - that Winston would somehow find a way to elude his captors and somehow escape to… somewhere?

When Winston gave in to torture I felt sick at my own betrayal, felt disgusted at my own defeat. I turned my back to the sleeping people around, my face to the sun in the horizon, and wept while no one could see.

02.01.07

joel 2007

Posted in the usual stuff at 8:50 am by mr joel

hey. i’m back. well, kinda.

not really.

but let me explain, o blog of mine. i used to write this for myself, mostly, just as an outlet for whatever stray thoughts lay in this wayward mind. later on, this blog was a vehicle for me to practise my writing, just for the heck of it. it however came to a point last year where i realized i didn’t have much to say, or had a lot of things to say but lacked the words, or the time, to say them. and then after a while i wondered if these were worth putting down onto paper anyway.

whatever the case, i haven’t blogged proper in a year, and though i don’t promise to begin now, i realize that i once did have quite an intimate relationship with joeloholics anonymous, and nurtured and tended to it often.

why did this happen? perhaps because for a time, i stopped writing for myself. and in that time, perhaps forgot why i set this up in the first place.

it’s just high time that joeloholics anonymous reverted to what it was before - a conversation with myself stretched over months and years. yeah, me, myself and i. again. i’ve forgotten how much pouring my soul into this has actually helped me over the years, and how much perspective it has given me.

i’m gonna be hella busy the next coupla weeks. don’t know when i’ll have my next entry here. but it matters not.

whatever. i blog again today.

second year has so far… been not as fluffy as i would’ve liked, but i’m hanging in here. i’m enjoying my classes greatly… mostly. my apologies for being slightly incoherent - it’s 4am.

and if anyone besides me is actually reading this, thanks for stopping by.

be safe, and happy. and your families too.