Dinner at home with fam – linguine & KFC – not often had, bit too Guy’s Big Bite, but it works. Chicken too salty, feel disgusted. Need to run; 8.25pm already with storm clouds brewing. Nonetheless, summer; sun still out another half hour. Linger on brink of too-late-to-run / it’ll rain anyway / too restless to not run. Decisive for a change – grab shoes, slip on brigade polo tee and nike jersey shorts, run off.

Down the slope, past the construction site. Underneath CN railway and Gardiner; Lakeshore. Cross it, notice parking lot rubbish dumping ground in annoyance / bemusement. Hit the lake, turn east on usual route toward Sunnyside.

Then it hits – the perfect moment. Sky that had been hidden behind me revealed to be warm, honey orange. Tender light envelopes everything – look down at hands outstretched, at uncannily calm lake, at unmoving leaves and trees and amber silhouette of nearby condominiums – all glowing with same light. Keep jogging, silly smile on face, entirely happy and content to just be. Mild drizzle starts – but instead of dampening mood, only makes things more poignant. Yet scent of rain hints at memories.

And then, too quickly, moment ends – drizzle turns into deluge, and that rare feeling leaves, replaced by worry. No lightning yet, but in middle of lakeside park – very bad place to be in thunderstorm. Consider going strong, try to hold on to moment that is already long gone.

Logic prevails, run under shady tree next to woman and daughter. Squat under tree, still get drenched; scent of rain now full blown freshness, memories of countless days and nights spent crouched in camo under rainy trees flood back. Best times.

Downpour fizzles as fast as began, relapses into drizzle. Storm clouds blow by, ephemeral glint of orange glow re-emerges but isn’t the same. Decide to make a break for home as see lightning in distance. Double back, double-quick time. 1 km later, barely panting, semi proud of improving fitness. Yet, once-radiant glow seems a lot more faded, replaced by dark and damp and moody clouds.

It… came and went, and I can’t ever hope to do it justice in words, as… basic and honest and plain and direct as the words I have chosen. But sometimes in life there are these… moments which come, instances where you feel completely at ease and happy and content to just… be. You could be with your loved ones, you could be stuck in a crowd, you could be at a Christmas party… it doesn’t matter what or where or with whom, you just know, I guess, that you’d stop time if you could forever so that you could hold onto it and live forever in it in a moment that’ll last for all time. Yet it doesn’t, and it’s fleeting and over too fast. But you don’t forget, and I won’t either. So thank you for June 28th 2009, 8.40pm for being that moment I’ll never forget.

Exactly that – some explaining to do is what I’ve got. Thanks to my very prolonged absence from this.

And, breaking my recent tradition of posts where I’ve had a point to make, I’ve gone back to my roots of writing on this blog in the wee small hours of the morning, filled with caffeine and alcohol and adrenaline…

Only that my caffeine / alcohol / adrenaline nights of the past were usually the result of a late night beer-fueled Champions League soccer match at an outdoor bar somewhere, anywhere in the cool Singapore night. And that tonight’s caffeine / alcohol comes from the simultaneous chugging of a 2nd Cup large tea and a Labatt’s Blue pilsner, necessitated by the concurrent need to be awake and yet destress from a rushed fixed income assignment. My adrenaline comes from having just finished that cursed assignment. How times change indeed.

Well, first of all, the explanation: I kinda stayed away from this blog for a strange reason lately. I’ve been waiting for the results of my CFA Level One exam which I took in December, and I somehow felt that writing about my experience would jinx it. I’m really happy to say that I passed it, with much encouragement by all my friends and family, and a lot of help from my buddy Sam. This is honestly the toughest academic hurdle I’ve had to overcome since my GCE O Levels. But I passed it! And no more fear of jinxing anything, either.

Since I missed out on it, happy new year AND Chinese new year to everyone. Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah, too. Hope everyone enjoyed the festivities, and spent some quality time with their families and loved ones. And Obama; a fortnight ago, the world received her king. If anyone can bring some order to this economic / political / social mess, he can.

The underlying feeling I’ve, well, felt since senior year began has been a funny sense of poignancy. It isn’t the jaded “senioritis” people speak of that I feel, no, not really; more like a profound sense of finality and with that, a renewed sense of taking my good friends and family and everything I’ve held dear with more seriousness. And this feeling has somehow never been as pronounced as it has since the December exams ended. Not quite the overwhelming sadness I once felt when I had to move from my hometown for the first time, nor is this feeling quite like that when I finished my 2-ish years of national service, emptied my locker, bade my Officer Commanding and Sergeant-Major goodbye and dragged my hulking duffel bag off to the camp gates for the last time.

I truly can’t put it to words now, but hopefully between these lines, I’ve injected some of that emotion into this, enough of it so that I can come back months from now and read this post and remember that feeling. Heh.

All right. Hours until I have to wake up for class I can count on the fingers of one hand. That’s my cue to call it a day for real, though rambling like this with all those uh chemicals flowing through me truly is nostalgic.

Good night, everyone. This was fun. I’ll be back here soon, I promise.

Joel